Life is in full swing, We are in prime of our life. Both personally and professionally. Both the kids have started formal education, although they are in primary only still the syllabus and pressure of academics is increasing. Suvin recently got promoted and his domestic as well as international travel has gone up all of a sudden, which means the strongest helping and supporting hand I have won’t be physically around for almost half of every month.
Suvin’s Dad is yet to retire; hence they also cannot come and stay with us for longish period. With both kids at one end, I get restricted in completing chores quicker. Chores are unending. Like Hanuman Ji’s tail from Lanka Dehen. The more I accomplish, the longer it becomes.
When Nisarg and Ketki were born, I thought it’s great to raise twins and now I am free from taking breaks again from work, growing them up together will be a cakewalk. Cake? I just love it. Now I realize, its’ tough, although they don’t throw tantrums together, both have always been quite adjusting. I guess they have been brought up that way to support their mum as much possible. In the morning they go to school and from there the school bus has a stop at day-care, their Didi picks them up and I bring them home on my way back. I drop both to the day-care on Saturdays when its working for me and a school off for the, soon all their Saturdays will be working too.
We have a huge problem of maids here; they keep leaving work frequently. So, whenever one comes, I always pay my gratitude to God. Taking care of home, office, kids and everything around, I feel myself just running with the clock with no other option but to win the race. Because if the timings overshoot for one errand, the entire day goes for a toss. All these days are still better, but when Suvin is in town and is working from home I am in dilemma. Because I miss him so much when he isn’t around and when he is, I am still running with the clock. He tries to help me with kids homework, few household chores but still with kids, I don’t have much leaves left from work. So that we both can take a break and go out. I understand he also feels neglected, but what and how can I do everything?? Sometimes, I feel so helpless and depressed. I feel days are passing by and we are unable to live life, except the vacation we take once a year. It feels like a pressure cooker. Suvin came back from tour last night and he is still sleeping. I want to wake him up and talk to him, but he is too fast asleep. Even if he wakes up and asks me to stay at home, I won’t be able to do that as things become quite tight during quarter end and I too have targets to chase, so no leaves. Let see, I want to catchup on a lot of things with him, Sometimes I feel “Aate daal, ki race mein pyaar kahi piche na reh jaae”. Kissed him bye on his forehead and leave for work.
Finally, we all are back home, My face looks tired, dry, exhausted and old. There is still a pile of work to be taken care of, and kids have a project to be submitted tomorrow. When I stare into the mirror, I see an Unhappy Me, always snapping at everyone at home and exhausted. Suvin is also home. We had tea. And I asked him, ignoring the pending work, that I could see around, “Can we go for a stroll?” “Of course, but I thought you have things at hand. And I have some unfinished work from office to do. Can we go in a while, maybe post dinner?” he enquired. As expected, the stroll alone took a walk and by the time the dinner was over, kids were put to bed and we were tired like hell. We lost the moments together just like that. It is Friday tomorrow and Suvin generally works from home, I called my boss and asked for leave. She was always cooperative. I told her I am not feeling good and need some rest. Next morning, kids boarded the bus.
I am back home, made Suvin’s favourite Spanish omelette with garlic bread, cut fruits and masala chai and woke him up with breakfast in bed. The delightful smile across his face, make my eyes shine after so long. Spending time with him, making him listen my endless blabber and pamper him and get pampered is what I want, this is what I married him for. I was missing on all these precious moments. Anyways once the kids go to middle school, I have decided that I will stop working. Two reasons. No day care in vicinity is ready to take ten year plus kids and with their studies increasing I must look after that too. I have ignored my health too, unless I am happy and healthy everyone around me cannot be healthy and happy. We are financially stable enough, for me to be at home. All this was going in my mind, when Suvin interrupted my train of thoughts with mouth full of apple, “you want to say something baby?”, he enquired. We discussed about this topic for almost the entire day, apart from of course cooking a wonderful lunch together. I had long forgotten that life can be this slow and relaxed too. The decision was big; however, we were experts in taking risks. And within a months’ time I put down my papers at work.
From being Maa Durga with eight hands I became a woman who doesn’t aspire to be a superwoman anymore, who understands her mental and physical limitations and doesn’t hesitate to ask for help and delegate work.
This worked for me to revive my life and to start enjoying every day.
This blog of part of #A2Z Challenge, there will be 26 blogs in this series all the blogs are in continuation. I am writing them from Z to A, as the story also flows from Death towards life. Hope you enjoy knowing Antara’s journey.
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